Calm Amongst the Storm

When things are going well in your life do you feel something might happen to disturb and disrupt your state of calm? Like a playing child who is suddenly very quiet, it is common in our busy society for people to feel mild anxiety when everything feels quiet and peaceful. Is there really a calm before the storm? Is that old adage correct? Sometimes.

Upsets come in all forms. They ask us, "Can you hold the center of your being while a storm rages?" We can become overwhelmed and shattered by the death of a loved one, illness, betrayal, abandonment, physical, emotional, and psychological pain. We can become despairing over the actions taken by those we love, allowing the choices they make to affect and hurt us deeply. How can we make it through some of life's circumstances with greater awareness, compassion, and wisdom?

Something will come to disturb the calm. It always does. That is part of the human experience - a common one - you can feel great one moment and in the very next moment can receive a phone call or experience a shock that triggers a state of suffering.

I used to believe that much of one’s ability to handle the storms of life has to do with an ability to grieve and heal. I thought, well, we are not taught how to grieve and then to be free from that grief. In many cases we are taught to get over it quickly, go back to work, move on, and certainly don't show so many feelings. As a result, people carry around so much old grief that as soon as a new circumstance arises that creates more suffering, it cannot be managed. It is like the last drop of water that overflows a bucket, the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back.

I do believe it is vital to grieve fully for past losses and suffering in order to effectively manage life’s storms, but more importantly I think the majority of us can use an attitude adjustment. Instead of complaining (and holding onto the notion) that life has done us wrong, we can accept the ebb and flow of difficult circumstances in life. Simply accept that life is this full, sometimes joyous, sometimes painful and continually soften our heart centers as we move through life.

Why do we resist this so? Perhaps it is because we, our own private worlds, have not acknowledged our unique strengths, power, and ability to endure. So we keep trying to get this recognition outside ourselves: look at what happened to me. And then this happened, and this, and he said this, and she did that, and I was innocent to it all.

To cultivate a practice of remaining centered in the face of storms, try the following:

Breathe. Be aware of your breath in every moment.
Consciously feel any sensations in your body, even discomfort. Energy moves through you and it needs to move through and out. When sensations are avoided and ignored, they tend to bury themselves, percolate, and fester.

Accept life! It's full of events both pleasant and not so pleasant.
Remember and repeat, “This too shall pass.”
Each evening before you sleep, look inward and ask, “Am I holding onto suffering? Am I wanting attention for my pain? Am I willing to change and face life with greater joy?

Hold the conscious, deliberate intention that you will go forward knowing that whatever you encounter, you will be conscious of your attitude and how easy it is to let it drop into negativity. Focus on what you have and the gifts your life has brought you. See the beauty all around you. Force your mind into a higher perspective. Insist on it, and it will happen.

A Drug-free Way to Manage Overwhelm, Stress, and Uncertainty

Lately more people tell me they are overwhelmed. We witness and hear about more things now than any human beings before us. There is an onslaught of information which on its own can be overwhelming. But we are also in a time of rapid change, causing many people to transform their ideas and even their values. This requires letting go of old concepts that once provided a sense of stability. It also causes feelings of uncertainty and fear.

How can you get comfortable with uncertainty in these quickly changing times? This is the key to alleviating stress in your life. One excellent way is to meditate. Westerners resist meditation, being oriented toward a more outward focus. But if you truly want to feel calm and become more peaceful within without drugging yourself, find that spot of comfort and ease with uncertainty by becoming quiet within every day. Sit down, close your eyes, be still and quiet, focus your attention inward, and notice the feelings wanting your attention.

All good meditation practitioners know that once you begin to do this, you will discover that no thought or feeling remains with you for long. Each and every thought, emotion, or sensation - such as overwhelm - just gets the opportunity to be noticed. It will arise and pass away. It will not stay. And it will stop chasing you.

On a different note, here is something you probably haven’t considered. If you are overwhelmed or feeling fear, are you trying to force things to conform to your will? Changes are taking place in our world in the realm of "will and power," making way for group cooperation. If you are still trying to will things to your liking, you are probably feeling frustrated. We are moving toward operating at a more heart-centered level now. The old ways, those of I-twist-your-arm-and-you-do-what-I-want, are gradually dissolving. We are entering a new era of co-operation.

In our individual lives, this means we will learn to compromise - our ideals, values, wants, needs, and desires. On a global scale, same thing. We can just turn on the news and read between the lines how these changes are subtly occurring. It is becoming difficult for anyone to be out of integrity without everyone knowing about it. As further interesting and perhaps unexpected or unusual things emerge in our world, we'll see it is increasingly difficult for singular entities to be in control. Life will demand that people cooperate with one another.

We are each in charge of the way we experience this life. We create our own drama and tears, our own joys. If you have found yourself in more drama than you care to admit, you can change course to something less stressful at any moment. This requires you to relinquish "victimhood." This "victim" thing is powerful and we tend to wallow in it, until one day something clicks and we decide we've had enough of it. Is now a good time to decide you’ve had enough?

You can benefit yourself even further by turning your thoughts to more of what you would like to see in your life. It is time to understand how powerful your thoughts are. For example, think more about consideration, harmony, love and belonging, integrity, cooperation, fulfillment at work, community, greater abundance, peace, eco-harmony, clean water, clean air, conscious people, kindness. Never discount the power of your own mind to create positive change for yourself.

Finally, turn your worries around. Remember your every thought is powerful, like a prayer or a plead to the Universe. Now is the time for you to gain authority over your thoughts and direct them mindfully. If you find yourself pondering your worries, reverse direction. Focus on what you want to see, not on what is wrong. This is a powerful way to manage overwhelm, stress, and uncertainty. Stop blaming, worrying, and commiserating with others. No more excuses, just you taking responsibility for how you choose to be in the world.

My suggestions here require no drugs or synthetic substances to help you avoid yourself. Instead, they encourage you to grow, expand, become more wise and aware, and live life in a more balanced way. There is no doubt that is why you are here and I’ve no doubt you are capable of stepping into a more conscious and evolved future. As you do this, you’ll find the overwhelm dissipates, stress diminishes, and uncertainty, though it remains, is just fine.

Change: Adapting to the Inevitable

We know things need to change, in our own lives and out in the world. You can ask almost anyone what needs to change in life and they will have answers. Ideas and opinions of what needs to change are as varied and diverse as the people offering them.

When the idea for change comes from within ourselves, we usually like it. It is inspiring. But when change comes in as an independent with a mind of its own, it can seem like a rebellious teenager. Just when we think things are calm it sulks around, keeps us awake at night, and makes us want to gain greater control.

Wise souls among us know that change is all we can truly depend on. We can’t escape it, though we try, and in many cases we must let it be. Mostly we try to avoid change because we have no idea what is in the future and we really don’t want to alter our world view. We decide it is best to keep things as they are, or how they used to be. Plus, we don’t want to experience the feelings of loss that often accompany change. What if we terribly miss what we had?

The idea of change, and change itself, brings up unnecessary fear which then causes unwarranted stress on the body and mind. I believe one of our tasks as human beings is to overcome fear, especially the useless fears that pervade our modern lives. I see fear restricting the body, mind, and spirit, shrinking one’s life experience into an uncomfortable little box. It takes our minds to dark narrow places where we lose a broader, more balanced perspective.

We will always have the unknown future in front of us, unpredictable circumstances will occur in our lives, our country and its people will do or say things we don’t like. At these times, we have the opportunity to either grow our fear or live every moment as if it were sacred, remembering that even the most unusual of circumstances can be profoundly healing and enriching, bringing in higher wisdom and understanding.

One way to overcome fears that arise due to change is to develop a sense of trust and faith in something greater than yourself, such as a belief that there is something beyond the ordinary mundane life. World religions and philosophies have sought to provide this for people, but many of them have fallen short of actually teaching a person how to be free from useless fears. The responsibility is on each individual.

Each time we begin to share our fears of uncertainty with others or swirl them through our heads, we can stop and take a moment to think about whether we want to be stuck in this stressful cycle. Fears grow stronger when we think about them and share them with others who then validate them by agreeing and adding in their own fears.

One way to reduce fear rather than expand it is simply to become aware of it, knowing that the wiser path welcomes change, accepts the inevitable, and chooses not to fear it. By becoming aware of our habitual reactions to the unknown future, by acknowledging our resistance to the feelings loss brings, by being aware of the times when someone says something that refutes our world view and ignites our own fears, we can begin to approach life in a more balanced way.

When we try to keep our lives, surroundings, and viewpoints the same, something will surely come along to roll them around a bit, and thankfully so. Do we really want to live a life so thin and safe that there is no new experience, expansion, or advancement of the mind and spirit? In these rapidly changing times, which I predict are just gaining momentum, the more we can flow with change and allow our minds to be free, the better off we will be. Perhaps in the process, we can grow calmer, wiser, more mature, and more peaceful.

Relieve Stress for Life

Originally, a stress response meant a threat to our physical existence: a tiger was chasing us, a neighboring tribe was invading, our ship at sea was sinking. These events led to a perfect chemical condition in the body that helped us have more physical stamina to survive. We could either fight for our lives or run very fast: the fight or flight response.

Modern stress is different. A physical attack or other life-threatening circumstance occurs rarely even though the majority of people feel excess stress daily. Why does the fight or flight response occur when our lives are not threatened? Because our minds don’t distinguish between a true threat and one that we imagine or worry about.

Managing modern stress is vital to our optimal health and well-being. When we don’t manage it, stress lets us know through anxiety, worry, irritability, indigestion, tightness in the jaws, neck, and shoulders, clenched teeth, anger, headaches, fatigue, panic attacks, sleeplessness, and overeating. We might as well include heart disease, cancer, chronic fatigue, and other modern diseases. When your body releases chemicals designed to strengthen you but doesn’t get an outlet such as fighting or fleeing, your health and well-being are undermined.

You guide and direct your own stress response based on your perceptions and actions. Sometimes other people and a hectic lifestyle affect you adversely, but nothing can disturb your inner balance except you. There are many ways you can help your body process stress that don’t involve fighting or running away. Just by incorporating these ten tips alone, you can protect yourself from the harmful side effects of stress.

1. Exercise. You’ve heard it so much maybe you’ve begun to ignore the advice, but exercise will burn off the excess fuel that stress creates in your body. It oxygenates your cells and clears out the chemicals. Make moving your body a daily habit. If you are under extreme lifestyle stress, workout vigorously and let yourself sweat.
2. Expose yourself to sunlight. It strengthens immunity, increases endorphins to help balance your emotions, and among other benefits, reduces stress.
3. Limit sugar, white flour products, and packaged, processed foods of all kinds. They increase stress as the body tries to figure out what to do with them. Instead, eat whole foods that come from nature, which is what is intended for optimal health and wellness.
4. Sleep well and plenty. If you have insomnia, visit an acupuncturist.
5. Pay no mind to stressed people and begin to clear unhealthy relationships from your life. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people.
6. Take note of how much television news coverage you watch. Once the reel comes around again and you hear the same fear-based story for the second time, turn the channel. It is extremely stressful on your body to watch horrific scenes and hear about tragedies. Take action to help, or focus on something else.
7. Lack of joy in your work is an emotional drain and daily stressor. There are two options. Change your job or change the way you think about it.
8. Find a way to reduce the amount of noise in your environment. Noise pollution is a big stressor and one which many people ignore. What irritating noise do you tolerate in your daily life? How can you bring more quiet into your life?
9. Worry is a habit to eliminate. We either can do something about a situation or we have no control over it. Get clear on what your options are and either do something to make a change or understand it is out of your control and let it go. Eliminating excess worry is a practice that can become a healthy habit.
10. When your desk is piled high, you are racing the clock, your daughter doesn’t arrive home when she said she would, and your mother comes to visit, breathe. Harmful stress involves shallow breathing. Breathe slowly allowing your belly to rise instead of your chest and shoulders. It is impossible to remain stressed when you breathe deeply.

Getting Grounded

Have you heard someone say they feel “ungrounded?” Or, that they believe someone else is not very grounded? You probably have, but what does this really mean? In this context it isn’t like an airplane unable to take off, or a teenager being punished. Being grounded in this day and age has to do with being stable, balanced, calm, and focused. Let’s talk a little bit about this concept, because it is relevant to our wellbeing, especially in times of uncertainty or change.

I’ll start by giving you the contrast: an ungrounded person. This person will be fuzzy-headed, forgetful, anxious, wired, excitable, and distracted. Their energy drifts like a balloon disconnected from a child's hand, a bit lost and forlorn. I see it as being energetically disconnected.

Our lifestyles contribute to this state of disconnectedness. Driving in cars, flying in airplanes and traveling in general, being on a computer, watching television, working and living in artificial environments with concrete, fluorescent lights, and electricity, being in crowds of people, and even feeling pressured, worried, or stressed. All of these take us away from our natural balance –they interfere with our natural connection to the earth - literally, the ground.

In a state of ungroundedness you can be more easily influenced by others, the life you live might not feel wholly your own, you might experience injuries and accidents, feel anxiety, panic, irritability, foggy thinking, and be a compulsive overeater. These are all instances where we are not centered or stable and they indicate why it is important to be aware of our groundedness – of being centered, focused, and calm. Just the act of coming back into a state of groundedness can shift our entire perception of life from one of negativity to one of hope and optimism.

So what can you do to become more grounded? The first step is to pay closer attention to your surroundings while noticing your own physical body. How does the chair feel that you are sitting in? What do your feet feel like? What physical signs or symptoms are you trying to ignore? For example, are you thirsty? Do you have any pain or tightness in your body? Are you thinking about the future while you are also reading this?

Simple awareness of your breathing will help bring you into a more grounded state. Spending a few moments a day in nature will help. Connect with the earth in some way - sit or stand on the ground. Notice the weather. What is happening in your natural environment? Feel the breeze, smell the earth’s scents, take note of how the sun feels. I also use visualization. One easy technique is to see or feel yourself as a huge, beautiful tree with deep roots going into the earth.

Understanding the value of being grounded is essential to being stable, balanced, focused, and calm. The awareness at any given moment of how grounded you are can be a tool for personal mastery, fulfillment, and self-empowerment. Although there is more to it, here are a few quick ideas to help you with your own state of groundedness.

Quick Tips on Getting Grounded

1. Breathe with awareness
2. Sit in nature
3. Watch the sun rise or set
4. Place your feet or hands on the earth
5. Eat food from the earth
6. Be aware of your surroundings
7. Notice physical symptoms or signs
8. Stop, Look, and Listen
9. Visualize yourself rooted into the earth